


WCW Derry

by Sweepo



Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28917111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweepo/pseuds/Sweepo
Summary: Wrestling Derry Style
Comments: 35
Kudos: 8





	1. The beginning

Derry during the troubles was dull. Sure in the far off days of punk they’d had a brief period of fun but the Casbah had long since closed down and Feargal Sharkey was looking well, old.

For the kids growing up in the 90’s there was little to do at weekends and even less on a school night.

The TV was playing in the corner of the living room as Michelle and James were filling in time until bed. ITV was showing an old episode of McCloud but it was the next show the cousins wanted to see. Because for one hour a week ITV showed the ultimate in physical soap operas, WCW worldwide. Whilst angles and run ins were usually edited out via the programme’s continuity both James and Michelle loved to watch. James watched for the athletic heroism and larger than life characters and Michelle because it was the best place to see. “A load of rides covered in baby oil in little shorts fighting.”

The show started and both noticed that there had been a few production tweaks. The classic voice of Lance Russell had been replaced by Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura Bob Caudle and Jim Ross and the show had a less disjointed feel to it. The matches began with the usual parade of squashes. The Renegade Warriors beat The Ring Lords, The Juicer beat Jeff Stone and Sid Vicious virtually planted Lee Scott through the ring floor. The programme then went to adverts before returning to Eric Bischoff and the WCW magazine. 

Eric started by plugging the upcoming cards around the country and that day’s main event of the Midnight Express vs The Steiners before his two part big announcement. “This year WCW will truly be going global. We’ll be on tour throughout Europe and the UK. We’ll be making our way around Spain, Germany and France before arriving in the UK for shows in London, Manchester, Glasgow and Belfast before culminating in the St Patrick’s Day Bash in Dublin Ireland.”

The cousins looked at each other as if to say who is gonnae ask if we can go but EZ–E wasn’t finished yet. “Not only will we be visiting all these great cities but we have another treat in store. Write in and tell us why your school should have a visit from us and if your entry is drawn out of the hat by Missy Hyatt in two weeks’ time we could be on our way to you. Write to us at WCW Floor 15 1 CNN Center Atlanta, Georgia 30303. This has been Eric Bischoff with the WCW magazine, now back to ringside.”

The rest of the show passed in a blur as both James and Michelle tried to figure out what to say in a letter. They got so animated that in the end a voice boomed down. “Get to bed ye wee feckers it’s 2 in the morning!”

“Aye we’d better get tae bed we can ask Erin to help with the letter, see if she’s as good a writer as she reckons.” James merely nodded his head in agreement but inwardly he was hoping against hope that they’d be picked.


	2. Slow progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sister Michael gives her 'blessing'.

On the bus to school the next day James (and mostly Michelle) outlined their idea to the rest of the gang.

Surprisingly Erin was easy to convince as Granda Joe was quite a fan since it reminded him of his days in the ring. Apparently he’d been approached by Joint Promotions about changing sports once the news of his ban from amateur boxing had come to light even going as far as to undergo initial training with Ted Betley. Unknown to the rest of them he’d had Jim across the road recording it for him every week and was well aware of the tour and the competition.

“So what we need is an amazing letter telling them why they should come visit our school and since you’re the most gifted writer we thought you could help us with it.”

“Will thon Sting fella be coming to school, his face paint is so cracker?” enquired Orla.

“And that Missy Hyatt is gorgeous.” piped up Clare.

So for the rest of the journey the five of them were unusually quiet, caught up in their plans and daydreams of American razzamatazz in Derry.

When they arrived at school they immediately went to lessons but at break time Clare had suggested that they’d best tell Sister Michael what they were doing as it might be a bit of a shock if El Gigante and Sid Vicious turned up at the school wanting to address assembly.

With Michelle calling her cack attack but reluctantly going along with the plan they approached Miss Mooney who escorted them in to see Sister Michael.

“I suppose one week without you being brought to see me is too much to ask for.” said Sister Michael as she saw who was in front of her. “What have they done now Miss Mooney?”

“Nothing as far as I’m aware, they asked to see you; something about a competition on the TV.”

“We’re permanently banned from UTV’s school choir of the year girls, after what the McGwire twins tried to do to Paul Clarke. If we hadn’t arrived on time he’d have been singing soprano.”

Michelle muttered something about a pair of dirty bitches but fortunately James was able to take the lead.

“No it’s about a different show, one we watch every week.” With something of a flourish he produced a tape and handed it to Sister Michael.

Dismissing her rather relieved deputy with a wave and a curt thank you Sister Michael put the video into a portable combi that was in her office (for the new moving image arts course) and pressed play.

After viewing for a few moments she skipped through the early matches to ATM Eric’s segment. She listened to his spiel about the competition, her face gradually relaxing.

“It may surprise you to know that I wasn’t always a nun. Indeed in my younger days I had a holiday friendship with a very tall young man who went off to be a wrestler. You may enter this competition but don’t spread it around the school. Oh and I’ll want to see a draft of your letter BEFORE it’s sent.”

The rest of the morning passed in its usual way with dull lessons and walking between classrooms but the gang met up in their usual spot to eat lunch. Rather than their standard practice of discussing the day’s gossip they wolfed down their food and headed to the library, Erin pointing out that it would look better if they typed the letter rather than sending it hand written with all the usual tippex and spelling mistakes.

That’s when the day took a turn for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paul Clarke is a UTV presenter who was involved with School Choir of The Year. He had a fairly posh image.  
> Ted Betley was a wrestling trainer who was involved with the training of British wrestlers such as Dynamite Kid. Bret Hart notes how Dynamite was on his best behaviour when he was in the room and describes him as 'hard as nails'.


	3. Getting things off the ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting a nun's blessing and other logistics.

The gang wandered into the library ready to type up their letter and found the place full of their least favourite people.

Before Clare could even have a shite the tights moment, Jenny and Aisling were over talking at them.

“Hello you guys, we don’t often see you here, what brings you to the library?”

“Yeah you normally hang out by the lockers at lunch.”

“We just want to use the computer and find a book or two.”

Seeing the conflab the school’s curmudgeonly librarian came over and moved them on.  
Moving into the library it was like seeing their worst episodes at the school come true. At one table were Wanda Gallagher and her cronies studying a book called the IRA by Tim Pat Coogan and giggling at ‘inaccuracies’. Two tables from them Tina O’Connell appeared to be showing a schizo faced ‘Big Mandy’ how a book worked and fighting a losing battle.

In her own personal cloud cuckoo land Orla suddenly announced that she needed a book and skipped off into the botany section and then into local history where she clattered into Tina. 

“OOf what the, are you some kind of moron? Oh it’s you that’s that question answered.”

Before Orla could answer a huge hand lifted her off her feet and carried her across to the PC terminal that the rest of the gang were clustered around. The owner of the hand deposited Orla with a growl next to Clare who instantly went into a panic.

Tina added. “Here’s your feckin’ retard.”

At this barb Erin felt her hackles rise but when she turned around and saw Mandy she tried to put a brake on herself.

Clare experienced a moment of bravery she hadn’t experienced since the school talent contest and blurted out, “yeah but she’s our retard!”

Michelle was about to leap into the fray when she noticed that the sisters weren’t attempting to rip either Clare or Erin apart. In fact they were too busy trying to read over James’ shoulder.

“You two are trying to get wrestlers to come to school?”

“Grrr.”

“You two do know that it’s rude to read somebody’s work without their permission?”

“You gonna do anything about it? If you’re feeling froggy, then jump.”

“Grrr.”

A new voice chimed in with, “Why don’t we settle it in the ring?”

Tina and Mandy decided that at this point discretion was the better part of valour and suddenly found something interesting on the other side of the room where some of the Irish dancers were holding a meeting.  
Everyone turned to see who had spoken and saw Sister Michael looming above them.

“Seriously sister, she’s half fuckin’ gorilla?" 

“Guess you’d better come to training every night for the next term then ladies. Sounds better than detention doesn’t it?”

“That’s so unfair Sister.”

“Guess you listened too much to Jenny and Aisling’s little presentation and not enough to my speech. Unfortunately all they were was sentiments and words. Keep your guards up watch your backs. Now show me this letter Mr Maguire.”

Clare and Erin resisted the urge to comment but Michelle unwisely muttered under her breath something about Queen Michael of Our Lady’s.

“What’s the motto of our school Miss Mallon?”

“Adveniat regnum tuum Sister.”

“Yes and until that day this is my kingdom. Now if you’ll forgive the vernacular make with the missive Mr Maguire.”

James moved from his seat so that the sister could read his work.

A few moments passed as the sister read through what he’d written so far. He’d pinched a few lines from Erin’s diary about Derry being a troubled corner of Ireland and explained how difficult it was to get anyone to show up in the city whether it was sports or entertainment due to the terror threat. He’d also mentioned that the headmistress was a huge fan of the show and was fully behind their entry.

“Not a wholly terrible effort ladies and limey. Tighten up the punctuation in the final paragraph then save it to a disk and we’ll get it printed on school paper, whether they pick us out our not we’re going to have this looking right.”

With an uncharacteristic smile and a wink she left the gang to finish up the letter and went off to scrounge a practice ring from the Christian Brothers School. She had long wanted to establish a martial arts programme in the school but wrestling was a good 2nd best.

At the end of lunch the group with Jenny and Aisling watching from a distance delivered their letter to the office. Sister Michael explained that there would be a lot of work in training for and putting on a wrestling evening and that any volunteers they could get to help would be very important. Rather than watching her usual lunchtime fix of rawhide she’d managed to rope in a few teachers and printed out some posters calling for interested pupils to enrol for training.

Although everyone else was just happy not to be in trouble for once Erin had to ask why the Sister was being so helpful.

“Well Miss Quinn, it’ll be a feather in the school’s cap if we can get something organised. We sell refreshments on the night and make a small profit to please the PTA and best of all it’ll annoy Mr Malone from St Benedict’s. He’s been a pain in my arse since the whole not getting the Child of Prague thing. Now go I need my lunch.”

With that the five trooped back to class chattering amongst themselves and planning what they would do for the wrestling night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The school motto actually is Adveniat regnum tuum, translated literally it means thy kingdom come and appears on the side of the school bus in episode one.  
> The IRA book mentioned is actually a pretty good work but given that it was first published in 1969 it had become dated by the time of this fic.


	4. Meanwhile in Atlanta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How they decided on Derry

Scene: A WCW Boardroom, a nine man committee meets.

“OK, before we discuss the European tour, have we any other business?”

“There’s the matter of a new contract for Cornette and the Midnights. Are they worth enough to the company?”

“Well they have great matches with everyone but I think they want to leave at the end of their current deal.”

“Let’s take a vote.”

All but one of the hands around the table voted to extend the contracts, the one hold out being the Chief Executive Jim Herd. He accepted with his usual amount of good grace i.e. none and steered the attentions of the board toward the tour.

“OK we know where we’re going; we’ll be leaving some of our people behind in Germany to fight in the Munich tournament, what have we got in the way of publicity?”

Realising his boss hadn’t watched that week’s TV host Jim Ross rolled his eyes almost into his hair before continuing. 

“Well we’ve got radio spots in all the local markets, TV time on DSF and our TNT affiliates and a 3 minute slot on something called UTV Live in Northern Ireland.”

“Ireland’s only giving us three minutes; we not put enough gold in the leprachauns’s pot at the end of the rainbow?"

At this point Eric Bischoff made his first contribution of the meeting. 

“That’s Northern Ireland boss, I got a call from the South this morning offering us 5 minutes on the Late Show with Gay Byrne. It’s their biggest programme.”

“Sounds like an S&M act from the Blue Oyster,” muttered Ole Anderson a man who had barely entered the 1980’s.

“The micks want us to pay twice for publicity? What kind of hustle are they running over there?” 

Tony Schiavone offered. “It’s two separate countries boss has been since the 20’s I think.”

“Two countries? The place is the size of our parking lot. Pour me a drink Ross.”

Humiliated again JR poured a rum and coke before passing it up the table. Alcohol wasn’t traditionally consumed in the boardroom but the CEO broke rules as he saw fit. He ran his finger along the edge of Vince McMahon’s business card in his pocket before commenting.

“Actually Ireland is the same size and population as Indiana. My family is from Co Derry.”

“Where have I heard Derry recently?” asked Tony Schiavone.

“We’d a letter from a school there trying to enter our contest. It might cost us a few dollars but if we put on a show there in addition to Belfast and Dublin,” confirmed Eric Bischoff. 

“Can we get a venue this late in the day?”

At this former world champion Ric Flair offered his read on the situation. “Not for a full card but what we do is this. We put on a house show like a territory would run in a high school gym. We let the kids contribute something on the night and by going somewhere off the beaten track, especially in a place where entertainment is hard to come by we get publicity you couldn’t buy. It’s compassionate; it’s giving something back to the people it’s…..”

“No what it is, is smart. Ross you’re walking point on this. Have the whore pull it out of the hat on next week’s show.”

“Boss you can’t call women whores.”

“Nonsense she’s the original good time that was had by all. Oh and Ross, pour me another drink!”

On receiving his drink Herd walked out of the room and back to his office leaving an unsettled committee to try and salvage something from the wreckage of their meeting.

“The legendary mind that brought us the Ding Dongs,” quipped Ric Flair.

“He is fuckin’ ding dong,” retorted Jim Ross whose mind was already racing as to ideas for his trip to his ancestral homeland. “Let’s thrash this out, see what we can come up with. The show will need to be no later than March 15 to allow us time to set up in Dublin, the Belfast show is on the 12th.”

So as the eight men continued to deliberate the logistics of delivering a show in a war zone, several Derry denizens were holding their breath on the verdict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time of the tour WCW was run by a committee headed by Jim Herd. He regularly made Jim Ross act as his personal bar man and was not well liked or respected due to his lack of product knowledge etc. He'd spent much of his working life in the US navy and had a brief stint as regional manager for Pizza Hut.
> 
> Jim Ross did serve on the board as did Ole Anderson, Ole also had a stint booking the company as well as being one of the original 4 Horsemen.
> 
> Ric Flair also served on the WCW board but hated to work with Jim Herd. His book describes him almost having a breakdown in this time period before leaving for WWF.
> 
> Jim Cornette was a wrestling manager in this era for WCW and WWF and he also ran territories of his own before becoming one of the USA's leading podcasters.
> 
> Tony Schiavone and Eric Bischoff were on screen announcers and interviewers, Bischoff eventually became CEO leading WCW to it's 1st profitable year and also it's record breaking loss year.


	5. WCW Announces Its Winners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric announces the winning schools.

A fortnight had passed since they’d approached Sister Michael for permission to enter the WCW competition. They’d attended regular training with her after school which not only included martial arts but also various drills from a Canadian wrestling school called The Dungeon. So it was with great excitement that Thursday that they met up to watch the show.

Seated in the Quinn’s living room they waited for the show to start, a mildly merry Joe was in the kitchen to ensure there was no misbehaving but Gerry and Mary had long since gone off to bed. The kids were allowed to meet up as the next day was a Baker Day, something Sister Michael liked to view as part of her holiday entitlement as she left the running of the school to Miss Mooney.

The gang watched an episode of Drop the Dead Donkey (which referenced the wrestling) and an episode of McCloud as they waited for the show to start. Then the familiar graphics appeared and they were glued to the screen.

After a few squash matches the voice of Lance Russell made a brief comeback to call a match between the Juicer and JW Storm (funny guy vs a serious ride) and then it was time for the 1st visit to Eric and the WCW magazine. As always Eric pushed that day’s main event (a 6 man tag between The Freebirds and a mystery partner and The Renegade Warriors and Alan Iron Eagle) before getting to the matter in hand.

“Due to the overwhelming response we’ve had to our competition we’ve decided to add not one but two visits to schools in the UK and Ireland. In England we’ll be visiting Oulder Hill Community School in Greater Manchester.”

“You bloody limeys get everything,” muttered Michelle.

“And in a first for WCW we’ll be heading to Derry Northern Ireland where we’ll be visiting St Mary Immaculate College just prior to our big St Patrick’s Day Bash in Dublin Ireland. I’m Eric Bischoff with the WCW Magazine and we’ll see you ringside.”

The rest of the show passed by in a blur as the Foyleside Five got down to planning the show with Joe on hand to provide what advice he could on setting up a wrestling card. They could hardly wait for school the following Monday especially as Michelle assured them, “We’re practically celebrities now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Baker Days aka Inset Days, Incest Days (according to comedienne Lucy Porter) etc are days when kids don’t attend school but teachers go in to perform various tasks associated with the running of the school. They were established in 1988 under Tory Education Secretary Kenneth Baker.  
> 2\. Juicer vs JW Storm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWYJ_PLrRK8  
> 3\. The Dungeon was a wrestling school in Calgary Alberta. It was run by Stu Hart and produced such talent as Brian Pillman and Rowdy Roddy Piper.  
> 4\. Oulder Hill Community School is a real place located on the edge of Rochdale which was in Greater Manchester Metropolitan County prior to it's dissolution.


	6. Breaking News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wrestling is Announced.

The weekend passed in a blur of homework training and in Michelle’s case drink. Joe had insisted on teaching each of them some sneaky short cuts in case things got out of hand. He’d also taught them how to throw what he called a working punch. Alas as the only boy amongst them James was the usual sparring partner but with the exception of two incidents he came out relatively unscathed.

They trotted into school on the Monday morning and before assembly they were summoned to see Sister Michael.

“OK people we’ve had a fax from WCW confirming that they’ll be coming in March. So we’ll need to step up your training and also sort out decorations for the hall. Miss McCool can you design a logo for me so we can advertise in the Derry Journal.”

“Ach sure I’ve already done that Sister,” replied Orla.

She put her hand into her blazer pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. She opened it out and showed her principal the work she’d done in between workouts over the weekend. Her logo featured three heraldic renderings of enduring symbols of the city namely an oak tree on a battlement with a portcullis. She’d also come up with belt designs and a name for their group, ‘Walled City Wrestling’.

“Well done Miss McCool you’ve obviously put a lot of work into this. Now get along to assembly so I can break this to the school.”

“Aww thanks Sister; I’m really buzzing for this.”

At that the group trooped out and headed for the assembly hall.

Assembly.

After Jenny Joyce and her pals delivered their Monday morning song to its usual deafening roar of indifference and a muttered “Just shoot me in the fuckin’ face right now.” Sister Michael took back over on the mic.

“OK ladies, as the truly nosy amongst you probably already know the next term production will be somewhat different to the norm. I’m aware that some of you were desperate to perform your modern dance interpretation of Shaw’s Candida but to be honest that play makes me itch. So with the help of the following pupils Michelle Mallon, Clare Devlin, Erin Quinn, Orla McCool and the Wee English Fella we’re putting on a wrestling event. Show yourselves please.”

The group dutifully raised their hands and Sister Michael continued.

“These pupils have shown great initiative and recruited the help of a truly global organisation in order to bring entertainment to our troubled little corner of the province. So it’s a farewell to Shaw and a big hello to slobberknockers, government mules and red headed stepchildren. In short the world of wrestling. The matches have already been booked but we need volunteers to help with banners backdrops and leafleting the town. This promises to be a night Derry won’t soon forget. Let’s hear it for the Foyleside Five.”

The hall erupted in applause as with the exception of the literary society nobody gave a shit about Shaw. Sure wasn’t he a Hun anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. George Bernard Shaw was a member of the protestant ascendancy.  
> 2\. Slobberknocker etc were catchphrases of Jim Ross when he was on the stick.   
> 3\. As well as the walls which are regularly mentioned in the show the city is famous for its gates and every year the Apprentice Boys celebrate their predecessors shutting the gates during the siege of Derry.  
> 4\. The Irish root of the name Derry is Daire which refers to an oak grove.


	7. The 1st Wave Arrives.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arrival of the 1st few wrestlers.

As was its way time passed slowly once again in Derry. All the girls (both anatomical and honorary) had had continued their training diligently but Sister Michael had been notoriously tight - lipped about who would be fighting whom. The posters for the events had also been similarly vague with only the ring names of the combatants given.

At long last March rolled around and the day of the event loomed. Sister Michael had started separating the girls into working groups but the format of the show had been left deliberately loose.

March 10th.

“Well it’s almost here girls; I’ll be the future Mrs Package by the end of the week.”

Before any of the others could comment Jenny and Aisling bounced over to deliver what they considered to be their own scoop of the day.

“We’re off to Belfast to see the wrestling.”

“Aye and we get a day off school.”

“Daddy is going to be there as the ringside Doctor. It’s a pity to miss a day’s school but we’ll be having tea in the Europa and going backstage to meet everyone.”

“Does he still have my tonsils? Not a day goes past when I don’t think about them you know.”

On dropping this news the two skipped off safe in the knowledge that Michelle would be glowering after them with evil intent; they were right.

“Does her da know everybody or is she still paying off Sister Michael?”

“She’s not paying off Sister Michael.”

“OK so how can the Sister afford a trophy for the big match and tag belts.”

“Sponsorship Michelle.”

“Aye sponsorship from the Joyce foundation, bungs for her and a tax dodge for him.”

“Let’s just get tae class, we’ve training after school.”

“Aye maybe Sister will post the matches.”

“OK girls, shift it!”

At training that night sister split the wrestlers into two groups which she named the rudos and the technicos. The gang were all on the same side of the divide and were joined by Charlene Kavanaugh, Aisling and Jenny and Tara Martin. Bronagh Duffy from lower 6th also drifted over in somewhat of a daze and sporting a black eye after a training exercise the previous day had gone awry. Sister Michael named them the technicos.

On the other side of the room they could see the O’Connells, Wanda Gallagher, Mae Cheung and a girl none of them knew who was called Angelique. The McGwire twins were also hovering in that vicinity despite only undergoing the briefest period of training. 

“Does our group fight their group Sister?”

“Yes Miss Quinn but not necessarily in the order you expect.”

Sister Michael then ran through the card as she envisaged it five matches with two singles two tags and a three way dance for the regional title. She also explained that one of the matches would be for the tag belts and one for a city title, explaining that she was using the results of a training assessment to provide the initial rankings. She then produced the belts that they would be competing for before adding, “Oh and Miss Cheung will also be providing a weapons display between matches.”

March 11th.

Training continued on apace with sister Michael cracking the whip and even a couple of other visitors. Joe had been drafted in to help with their group’s training and Mr Devlin, a father of one of the 1st formers was helping out with the rudos.

After about two minutes of running the ropes Michelle and Orla were pulled apart for separate instruction and if Erin had been able to watch she’d have seen both girls’ faces run the gamut of emotions. Aisling and Jenny, Tara, James and then Clare were similarly pulled out and given instruction before Bronagh and finally the pair of Erin and Charlene. On the opposite side of the room they could see Mr Devlin separating out his group with the McGwire twins looking over at them menacingly.

After this Joe took over their training for the afternoon as Sister Michael was called to see a visitor in the office. She returned several minutes later with a couple neither of them knew who she introduced as David and Julie. Julie was a seamstress that WCW had sent to collect measurements for the girls wrestling outfits and David, who appeared to know Joe quite well was in charge of booking what he called ‘enhancement talent’ for WCW.

While Julie and Sister Michael monitored the girls being fitted for outfits David explained his presence.

“Basically I’m here to do a final check as to your safety in the ring. Joe here is a fine trainer when it comes to striking and putting holds on people but I want to run through some final drills with you that apply to your finishing moves. These have to look as nasty as possible without actually injuring your opponent. After a wrestling match you should feel like you’ve just done a hard workout and maybe have a few bruises but no more. After boxing with Joe here you usually feel like you’re having an out of body experience.”

It transpired that Joe had been at Betley’s training camp when David had arrived to begin his initial training. They’d been in the ring together a couple of times using both boxing and wrestling as the disciplines with Joe coming out on top in the boxing and David using his amateur experience to force a tie in the wrestling despite Joe being a little bigger than him.

They then proceeded to a heavily matted area where each wrestler was fine tuned into how their moves should be applied with Joe acting as assistant and another trainer from WCW as the practice dummy. After a few tries each David pronounced them safe enough to work and sent his buddy off to monitor the rudos. Having seen the way Big Mandy and the McGwire twins were behaving discretion seemed like the better part of valour.

At long last training was over for the night and everyone went their separate ways with David promising to visit for a wee dram later that night and both Orla and Michelle being very secretive about their chat with the sister.

March 12th.

David had indeed kept his word about coming up for a drink and had been invited to stay for dinner, having his first taste of champ as well as a more familiar roast dinner. The girls had completed their homework before his arrival and with James and Michelle also joining them the Quinn / McCool family had a meal to remember as David had brought along some of his family’s rum to share with Michelle commenting. “That stuffs better than vodka,” after her second glass. 

Following dinner Sarah had led Mary and Gerry next door (she would have liked to get to know David better but it turned out Julie was also his wife) and Joe got them around the Quinn family telly to watch a tape of Starrcade 90 with David providing additional analysis.

For Erin he explained that there were two styles of her finisher, a straight drop and a rolling version. He advised her to use the rolling version as it was safer and looked more spectacular whereas the straight drop was less controlled albeit more realistic as it was similar to a specific martial arts throw. Fortunately both styles appeared on the tape so she knew exactly what he meant.

Orla was given more advice on how to present herself to a large crowd but she also got instruction on her submission move which bore a great deal of resemblance to a technique she had picked up at self-defence class.

Michelle and James had chosen moves that were essentially the same but were applied to different parts of the anatomy with Michelle opting to learn both and James wanting to specialise in a leg attack. Fortunately Clare hadn’t been able to attend so they hadn’t had to deal with a cack attack and the rest of the night was spent watching the tape and in the case of the grownups several glasses of both rum and whiskey. Mr Mallon arrived just before midnight to take Michelle and James home and the party broke up shortly after.

March 13th.

While the girls were at school the WCW carnival rolled into town. A fleet of hire cars arrived at their designated hotels. Split along locker room lines they booked in, blue eyes at the Bishop’s Gate Hotel (a 19th century hotel that numbered Winston Churchill amongst its illustrious visitors) and villains at the recently completed City hotel for their two night visit to the Maiden City.

And so it began, Derry had a brief flirtation with the US way of life unseen since WW2. Citizens were stunned to see a musclebound 7 foot blond man walking up and down the Strand Road and the souvenir shops reported a roaring trade, selling out of almost everything that bore the city’s name. On a more sordid note the women who put the pump in Pump Street also noted an increase in trade with a certain Mr Wonderful being banned for going over his time (posing not riding) and one ‘Ravishing’ Rick Rude living up to his name. All in all the wrestlers who weren’t tasked with PR tasks had such a good time that the City Hotel was forced to close its rooftop terrace for repairs shortly after they left. 

That morning assembly was moved to break time and when the girls trooped in they saw two things they didn’t expect to see. The first was the school hall in the throes of a transformation into a wrestling venue; the second was that Jenny had been banished from the stage. Ordinarily this would’ve been good news but it meant that she and Aisling could share their news in greater detail with the group.

“You should’ve been at the wrestling last night. We got to meet all the guys and I helped Daddy put a bandage on Dustin Rhodes’ arm.”

“Tell them the rest,” added Aisling.

“Oh that’s right Clare, Missy and her husband Eddie are staying with us while they’re in Derry and we’re taking them for dinner tonight to the River Inn.”

“Bitch,” echoed both Clare and Tara albeit for different reasons.

Before the prefects could escalate the spat Sister Michael took the stage and started that day’s announcements. She droned on for a few minutes before getting to the meat of the matter.

“And before you go to class ladies let me introduce some special guests. Firstly Mr Jim Ross, he’s one of wrestlings’ top commentators and will be calling some of the matches tomorrow night, his grandparents hail from our very own city. Secondly Mr Lex Luger of Chicago Illinois, I’m told he is known as the Total Package.”

“As well he should be,” shouted Michelle.

“And finally Mr Jorge Gonzalez of Buenos Aires Argentina; standing at 7’10 in wrestling circles he’s known simply as El Gigante.”

As Jorge walked out onto the stage the McGwire twins looked up at him mouths wide open and said. “Holy shit, imagine what his dick must be like!”

Sister Michael continued her announcement despite hearing everything that was said, figuring it would be better to get everything over with and shepherd the pupils into lessons rather than have the school descend into chaos.

“OK ladies, now if you see these gentlemen or anyone wearing WCW crew clothes around the school please don’t pester them. Also there are two other announcements. Firstly I’ll need to see Michelle Mallon and Orla McCool in my office immediately after assembly and secondly please inform your parents that their tickets for tomorrow’s wrestling show will also entitle them to free entry for a special WCW event here in the school on the 15th.”

With that Sister Michael ordered everyone to their lessons as she, Miss Mooney and their guests beat a hasty retreat to the her office followed by Michelle and Orla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. David is actually based on David Sierra. He wrestled as the Cuban assassin and for part of his post - ring career he did book the preliminary wrestlers.  
> 2\. Rick Rude, El Gigante and Mr Wonderful all wrestled for WCW, the 1st two are now sadly deceased.


	8. Jerkin the Curtain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wrestling begins.

March 14th  
The morning of the wrestling card dawned unusually warm for Derry and the girls sweated through their lessons thankful that it wasn’t a P.E day. Sister Michael had finally divulged the contents of the card and they were in varying states of trepidation.  
Erin wasn’t too worried as she was in a tag and planned to let her partner carry most of the load in their match. Orla was in a world of her own as usual, Michelle was saying very little and Clare was crapping herself with James trying to calm her down.

Finally the bell rang for the end of the day and before catching the bus home they took their chance to see which WCW stars they could spot in the school. At 350lbs Vader was hard to miss and given his height and curls the same could be said of Sid Vicious. Orla saw a man with shades and blond spikes and ran off to talk to him; fortunately the Stinger was a patient man who spared her a few moments to talk about his face paint. He explained how the patterns on his paint often gave away how nervous he was about his match and even asked her opinion as to which of his outfits would be best for Derry. 

Overjoyed she responded. “I love your purple and gold it makes you look like the King of WCW. You’re like me there’s nothing that doesn’t suit you.”

“Do you not think I should wear green since we’re in Ireland?”

“Aye you could if you wear your black and white paint with it.”

“Are you the ones who wrote the letter to us?”

“Aye we watch every week with my Grandad, he went to Betley’s a few years ago.”

“The boys won’t wanna mess with you then. Good luck to you all tonight and be careful fighting that gorilla,” he chuckled before giving her a peck on the cheek and heading up the corridor."

Face radiant Orla returned to her pals. Michelle was about to suggest trying to find Lex Luger but the bus could be heard pulling up in the driveway and wet blanket Clare insisted they all be on it.

“Aye sure you’ll see him tonight; he’ll be running the curtain for the first few matches.”

At that they dashed for the bus to get home and eat before heading to the matches, bell time at 8pm.

Match Time -1.  
The five friends trooped into the familiar hall of their school and were escorted into what was now referred to as the referred to as the blue eye dressing room. Sister Euphemia allowed them to take a peek into the hall where the matches were to take place. The road crew and the school’s staff had transformed the place with WCW and Walled City Wrestling logos and seating for a thousand people had been arranged around the room. There were also coloured lights and what looked like a pyrotechnics machine. In addition extra speakers had been wired into the hall for entrance music.

Euphemia told them to get ready for their matches and ordered them not to open the door for anyone unless they gave the special knock before escorting James to another room where he could change.

After the penguin had gone Orla asked her latest burning question.

“Am I in the right room sure my eyes aren’t blue?”

Once they and the other blue eyes had gotten changed they stood on the locker room benches to watch people arrive. Chinese Chris and their various parents duly trooped through the foyer into the amphitheatre.

In The Hall.

The crowd trooped into the newly transformed theatre. They took their seats behind specially acquired barriers and waited for the fun to start. The lights lowered and Sister Michael started with some announcements.

“Welcome to you all to the inaugural night here at Walled City Wrestling.”

Scattered applause.

“Before we begin a few thanks must go to our local sponsors and supporters. For the entrance music Cool Discs. For providing our updated sound system Eclipse Sound and Lighting Belfast; and of course Glenview Trophies of Maghera.”

More scattered applause.

“I’d also like to mention Orla McCool who designed our logo and painted many of our banners.”

A loud outburst of cheering that lasted almost a minute.

“But none of what we’re doing tonight would’ve been possible without our special visiting guests. All the way from Atlanta please welcome WCW!”

As the several of the wrestlers trooped out Sister Michael continued, explaining that there would be a bonus wrestling card the following night at which all of WCW’s titles would be up for grabs and announcing some of the matches, an announcement that was met with enthusiastic cheers.

“And now here are some of tonight’s participants! Calling the match for WCW wrestling we have Londonderry ex pat Jim Ross and Florida’s own Missy Hyatt. They will of course be joined by a local expert for further analysis.”

Sister Euphemia rapped on the dressing room door and called for Michelle.

Clad in a black safety pin dress and high boots that Julie Sierra had gotten her Michelle sashayed down the aisle to the sound of Roy Orbison’s Pretty Woman. She’d wanted to use the 2 Live Crew’s Head Down Ass Up but Deirdre had put her foot down with a firm hand.  
As Michelle got herself settled in the commentary area Sister Michael introduced the referees for the evening, Randy Anderson and Lex Luger. Lex waved to the crowd and winked at Michelle who of course went bubbly in the gusset.

“And finally, some bad news. WCW ring announcer Rhubarb Jones has been detained by the RUC for having a stupid name during the hours of darkness.” 

Guffaws came from the WCW crew who were in on the joke as Jones was pretty unpopular and neither premier announcer was in Derry.

“So stepping in at short notice we have noted Derry funny man, Uncle Colm McCool.”

Colm made his way to the ring to the sound of Funny Funny by Sweet but his entrance music was drowned out by booing from the crowd. In fact if WCW crew members hadn’t been at the aisles for walk in duty he’d probably have been beaten to a pulp.

The crowd started a duelling chant of Colm – Dose as he got to the ring but as he stepped into the ring he adopted a strange almost pained expression.

“That’s his cum face,” shouted Angie Doyle, a resident of Pump Street to general amusement.

Colm thanked Sister Michael before taking the mic and starting his announcements using all of his own prompts and a surprising amount of flair.

“Our first contest is a special captain’s match. Tag team partners will be escorted from ringside and managers have been banned from the building. Introducing first from ‘sure a peeler wouldn’t ask ye that’ and accompanied by Brid Rogers from Cumann na mBan we have ‘Weapons’ Wanda Gallagher."

Scattered applause was heard as two figures in black fatigues with berets, shades and pinned on Easter lilies marched down the aisle carrying hurls. As the crowd gave a mixed reaction the strains of ‘A Nation Once Again’ could be heard over the PA.

Sister Michael, dressed in a black gi walked Brid back up the aisle where she was escorted out of the hall by Doug Dillinger the WCW head of security.

“Now let’s welcome her opponent. She’s got a heavy gait but she’s great on a date representing the forces of Law and Order and hailing from the palace of righteous justice its Tr Terrific Tara.”

Sister Euphemia rapped on the door and signalled for Tara.

A tall striking blonde came out from behind the curtain escorted by a heavyset girl in a dark police blue uniform. As the crowd heard Laurie Johnson’s professionals theme play they knew this was a grudge match.

Switch to commentary.  
“Well as Wanda and Tara lock up we can see that Terrific Tara has the advantage in height and reach but Weapons has guns! What can you tell us Michelle?”

“Well according to the gossip, Wanda has undertaken some ‘military’ training from an undisclosed source. Sources tell me that Weapons is her nickname in that organisation.”

“They’ve jostled each other into a corner and the ref has called for a break. Now Weapons is calling for a test of strength.”

“Having been in the ring with both of them, this is going to be too close to call. Tara should have a leverage advantage but very few of us can hang in the gym with Wanda.”

In the ring.

Despite her leverage advantage Wanda managed to force Tara down to her knees. She then stepped forward to use her positioning to pin Tara’s shoulders to the mat. Tara managed to counter this with a wrestler’s bridge which Wanda broke with a boot to the stomach. It did however mean that she was forced to relinquish her knuckle lock. Tara used this opportunity to scramble to her feet using the ropes. After locking up again Tara used surprising speed to get Wanda into a headlock but was shocked in turn when she was picked up and slammed backwards to the mat. Seeing her foe was somewhat dazed on the ground Wanda then went for an elbow drop but Tara was aware enough to roll out of the way.

From this point on the match descended into a brawl with both girls throwing some deadly looking punches but before everything broke down Tara managed to reverse a ‘nationalist’ whip attempt firing Wanda face first into the turnbuckles. As Weapons staggered backwards Tara hooked her in a belly to back suplex and bridged her over pinning her shoulders to the mat.

Commentary.

“She’s hit her with a fisherman’s suplex! Michelle did you know Tara was that flexible?”

“Well she’s been known to get in all sorts of positions of a weekend Jim.”

In the ring.

As referee Randy Anderson got into position to count the pin there was a sudden low rumbling noise that sounded like a distant thunderclap. As the rest of those in attendance turned to see what had happened and Randy ducked for cover a hurl wielding girl leapt the barrier and smashed Tara in the guts. By the time the ref made it back to the ring and the crowd were once again watching the action the interloper had left the ring and Wanda was pinning Tara. The ref duly made the 3 count and raised Wanda’s hand.  
Instead of leaving the ring Wanda decided to milk the moment and called for the mic.

“Remember bitch you have to be lucky every day, I only had to get lucky once.”

At this point the ref and Sister Michael decided to take charge and escorted the two opponents to the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Most people only know Sting in his Crow days. https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/974528/sting-v-sting-who-carries-the-better-legacy  
> 2\. Euphemia was (according to tradition) eaten by a bear in 303 AD but features in this as a reference to Nuns on the Run.  
> 3\. The Easter lily is a nationalist symbol but how it was worn once had significance.  
> 4\. Jerking the curtain is a wrestling term for fighting in the opening match.  
> 5\. A nation once again is a song oft associated with the IRA. For those who like parody Dermot Morgan (Fr Ted) does a song called an alsatian once again.


	9. Everyone has a plan until...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Match Two.

Following the commotion at the end of the first match Colm was sent back to make some announcements.

“OK ladies and gentlemen if you could just remain in your seats whilst we find out what has gone on.”

A young cop in gortex ran up to Sister Michael and whispered in her ear details of what had happened.

“Get your tongue out of her ear ya jaffa bastard,” shouted Angie.

Although he knew there was a warrant out for Angie Doyle on a charge of procuration the officer decided to feign ignorance. He received an assurance from Sister Michael that everything would be dealt with in the building and made a sharp exit as the crowd sang Na Na Hey Hey at his retreating figure.

Colm was then sent back into the ring to make another announcement.

“Could the driver of a red Orion registration MIB 6878 please contact RUC Strand Road.”

Gerry stood up then sat down and relaxed as Colm continued the announcement as his plate was two digits different.

“No rush like it’s just you’ll be walking home and there’s to be rain later.”

“And now on with the show, our next match is a loser leaves town tag team event. Introducing first, from the land of saints and scholars we have the Irish Dancing Queens Bronagh and Briege. Accompanying them to the ring we have the St Mary Immaculate Irish Dancing Squad.”

Sister Euphemia tapped the locker room door and signalled for Briege and Bronagh. At a signal from Ole Anderson the girls came through the curtain to the sound of Bill Whelan’s Riverdance and made their way to the ring where the non-combatants did a brief dance routine.

Euphemia then signalled for Jenny and Aisling.

“Introducing their opponents, all the way from the top of the class we have the prefects Aisling and Jenny. The prefects are being led to the ring by their manager the bard of Bishop Street, Brenda Beckett!”

The song Back to School from Grease 2 played as the prefects stepped to the ring but rather than enjoy the moment Jenny had a bake on her like a Lurgan spade. Aisling, however, pranced towards the ring overjoyed to be there with Brenda leading the way and bearing a scroll.

The three girls entered the ring where Brenda unfurled her scroll and read her poem.

“Prevail against us, you don’t have a chance and you’ve sullied the good name of Riverdance. When we win and you leave nobody’s gonna miss you, two disgusting wastes of human tissue!”

At this Brenda dived for cover and Aisling was already in the corner holding the tag rope.

The bell rang and Jenny advanced towards the two Irish dancers who executed a simultaneous step culminating in stereo kicks landing on Jenny’s chin. She collapsed to the canvas like a sack of spuds and the referee had no choice but to make the count.

Commentary desk.

“Well the match was shorter than the poem there Missy and at least we didn’t have to hear the ‘voice of Joyce’ do her winners song.”

“Indeed it was, the last time I knocked somebody out like that it was with my special Gucci purse.”

“What was so special about it?”

“She had half a cinder block in it,” answered JR.

With an admiring glance Michelle replied, “You’d do rightly on a night out in Derry Missy, still at least the Joyce house will be quiet. Let’s go over to Colm for the official word.”

Ring Mic.

“In a stunning upset after 9 seconds of the match the winners by pinfall The Dancing Queens”

Post – Match Interview.

As the Dancing Queen’s exited the ring Missy grabbed the wireless mic and tried for some post-match comments.

“Congratulations on that stunning win ladies, how did you decide on your strategy?”

“We were at line dancing the other night and we saw a dance called Black Velvet that was done to a song called Baby I’m Burning by Dolly Parton. Since we all love Dolly we decided to reverse engineer the steps into a wrestling move and you saw they had no answer to it.”

“Aye Jenny should stick to Shaw.”

“Well you all saw it a nine second match ended with a blend of Dolly Parton and Irish exuberance. Now it’s back to you Michelle and JR.”

Commentary Desk.

"Well we were about to have a drumming out ceremony for the losing team but Jenny is being carried out by Dustin Rhodes. Apparently she bandaged his arm in Belfast but he'll not be wanting to kiss her better."

Fortunately for the sanity of all in the room the drumming out song kicked in. It was the Rolling Stones Hey you get off of my cloud to which the pupils all sung hey you get out of our school despite ominous stares from Sister Michael. Man Jenny really was a dose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. In the tuition videos the dance Black Velvet is usually done slowly to the song of the same name but at one time in NI it was performed to the Dolly song Baby I'm Burnin. Reverse the kick ball change and add in some Irish dance leaping and as Jenny found out. WALLOP! https://youtu.be/nu6VbUAhs1M  
> 2\. That Rolling Stones song. https://youtu.be/lIpvUJ5VAaw  
> 3\. Gerry's car had the plate MIB 6876 and came from Irish Road Motors, I noted it down from Series 1 ep 5.  
> 4\. Procuration is an offence under the sexual offences act of 1956 (and relevant NI Order) that involves such things as brothel keeping.  
> 5\. The chapter title refers to a Mike tyson quote where he claims. "Everybody's got a plan until I hit them in the face."


	10. Mae and Dismay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weapons and tag titles.

After Jenny and Aisling left the ring area it took a few moments to get everything back on track. The fact that the match had only lasted nine seconds had thrown the schedule off and the crowd got a little restless after the drumming out finished.

Ring Mic.

“Before our next contest we have a special bonus martial arts display. Introducing from the exotic East (must be Buncrana) please welcome the Asian Sensation Mae Cheung.”

The PA hit but Lee from Cool Discs had obviously been on the Jamaican Woodbines as instead of Asian music the voice of Jack Hues echoed around the room.  
As Mae rattled through her bo staff routine before switching to nunchuks the song reached its chorus and the crowd joined in.  
“Everybody have fun tonight, everybody Wang Chung tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight, everybody have fun!”

The sound of Derry citizens mangling the 1st note on the Chinese classical musical scale made it to Mae’s ears as she was twirling her nunchuks and her notoriously short temper exploded. Rather than finishing with the classic Bruce Lee move of ending with both chucks under each arm she clobbered the referee and grabbed the mic from a shocked Colm.

“Clare Devlin and James Maguire, we’re coming for you. You won’t see us coming and you won’t make it to your championship match. This federation runs through me!!”

Commentary desk.

“It seems your Miss Cheung has a short fuse Michelle.”

“Aye but when it comes to short fuses my cousin James is the expert JR.”

In the ring.

Sister Michael and two of the WCW security managed to get hold of Mae after ensuring that her weapons were out of reach. They half shoved and half carried her up the entrance way and deposited her at the rudo dressing room where she sat with her cronies and plotted her next move.

Villains Dressing Room.

“OK you two, you’re up next. Just beat the absolute shite out of those two bitches.”

“OK boss.”

“The three of us will destroy the regional title picture and then we can take the city strap any time we like.”

Five hands went in and the Derry Dragons roared.

Back in the ring.

“The following contest is the final match in a tournament for the tag team title. Your special referee for this match will be none other than US heavyweight champion ‘The Total Package’ Mr Lex Luger!”

His theme music hit and Lex walked to the ring in a zebra striped spandex shirt and dress trousers.

Commentary desk.

“It’s a shame he didn’t wear the matching shorts eh Michelle?”

“Damn shame Missy, that’s one package we’d all love to take special delivery of.”

JR pulled his Stetson over his face before saying. “Now back to Uncle Colm for the rest of the introductions.”

Ring mic.

“Now for the participants in this prestigious match. Introducing first, from every man’s fantasy, the Beautiful People; Erin Quinn and Charlene Kavanaugh!”

Sister Euphemia gave the knock on the dressing room door and dressed in black with green hearts Erin and Charlene made their way through the curtain and down the aisle to the sound of Suede’s Beautiful Ones.

“Way to ride her coat tails Erin you’re hardly Derry’s biggest ride,” shouted Angie Doyle.

“Aye but you’re the easiest Angie,” retorted Sarah.

“Sure you’ve been cocked more times than wee Martin’s kneecapping pistol Doylers, now sit down and shut up,” added Mary with the kind of look she gave her aunt Bridie.

Recalling the tale she’d heard about Mary at the reception Angie sat back down in her seat and the rest of the Beautiful Ones ring walk went without comment, save from the desk.

Commentary Desk.

“Well ladies if that’s Derry’s other beauties the next team must be the beasts. I’m lucky to be with you two babes.”

“Damn right you are JR but getting back to the match you’re right about beasts, one of the team is half fucking gorilla, eh Missy?”

“Only half? You’ve underestimated her. I caught a glimpse of her in training and she was on the monkey bars peeling a banana with her feet.”

“OK ladies lets go back to Uncle Colm.”

“Presenting their opponents, they say they’re the queens of the Derry jungle weighing in at a combined weight of three spins please make welcome young Tina and big Mandy THE KONG CONNECTION.”

The music changed and moments later out stepped the little and large team of Mandy and Tina wearing brown fur trimmed wrestling gear and to the sound of Alice Cooper’s Thrill my Gorilla.

Commentary desk.

“What do they mean by three spins? That’s not a term I’ve encountered, even from my parents.”

“It means that when we put them on a weighbridge the dial spun around three times because it was broken.”

“Colm has some weird expressions doesn’t he?”

“Just pray he never tells you a story!”

Just then the bell rung and shit got real in a hurry.

Still at the desk.

“So Michelle how would you go about fighting big Mandy?”

“I’d hire Sid Vicious to do it for me or I’d run her ragged trying to get a hold of me. She’s brutally strong but her stamina might be….”

Before she could finish her thought her best friend since nursery dropped in. Or rather flew in as when Erin tried to lock up with Mandy she was neatly pressed and thrown over the top rope into the commentary area.

In order to give Michelle time to help Erin Missy and JR reverted to a two man booth.

“Well Jim if Mandy can do that to Charlene like she did to Erin things could get ugly for the beautiful people.”

“Big Mandy is certainly bowling shoe ugly.”

Michelle and Erin.

“What are you’s doing? We’ll be toast for the rest of the year if ye lose to that pair of monkeys.”

“She’s fuckin’ huge, I can’t get a hold on her!”

Another crash was heard and Charlene was similarly deposited into JR’s lap which he looked rather happy about.

“Right you dopey mares. Run her around until she’s blown up and has to tag out. Then beat on Tina”

In the ring.

As Tina distracted Lex from making a count (titles can’t be awarded on a DQ or count – out unless the match contract specifically states it) the battered beautiful people clambered back to the ring. For a few moments Mandy tried to gain a submission win over Erin with a bear hug before Irish whipping her to the ropes. Rather than rebounding into whatever move Mandy was planning to apply she slithered under the ropes and asked a startled spectator for a drink of his coke.

On the mic.

“So can you tell us what advice you gave the girls?” 

“Sure JR I told them to run big Mandy until she melts and has to tag out.”

“That’s pretty sound tag team strategy, isolate one member then tag in and out to take advantage of the double team.”

“Aye plus from what I hear Granda Joe and their training team have been modifying their finisher for this match. If they can get it applied right it’ll even take down thon gorilla. That’s all the details I have for now though.”

“Granda Joe is a hard man to get out of a bar with a few drinks in him.”

In the ring area.

Taking the advice of her friends on board Erin decided to goad Mandy. As Lex counted her departure from the ring she made monkey noises and sang ‘Who ate all the pies’ whilst keeping an eye on Deaco Devlin (no relation), the adviser of the heel teams. As expected he yelled to his charges to get her in the ring and Mandy duly climbed out to fetch Erin back in.

As she saw Mandy coming towards her Erin drew on what Michelle had told her and on a match she’d watched the night before. Just as the gorilla was about to grab her she lashed the fan’s drink into Mandy’s face and took off around the ring with an enraged opponent chasing her. They did two laps of the ring and looked to be about to set off on a 3rd when Erin broke the lap to duck under the bottom rope. As Mandy attempted to follow her Charlene waited until her opponent was ducking under the rope to deliver a sneaky knee drop between her shoulder blades. As a result Mandy was winded and forced to tag in Tina.

On the mic.

“Looks like Erin has been channelling the Juicer there Michelle, next thing we know it’ll be a tope on Tina.”

“I dunno Jim but it certainly worked Mandy hasn’t looked that winded since she had to run cross country.”

In the ring.

When Erin saw Tina coming towards her she backed towards her own corner but for purely tactical reasons. Once she was within reach she reached out for a tag then surprised Tina with a drop toe hold. Using the 5 second rule Charlene dropped an elbow on Tina whilst Erin had her down and the two switched in and out of the ring. Charlene used her height and weight to hold Tina in a half Boston crab. All the while a now recovered Mandy was trying to get back in the ring but between Sister Michael and Lex Luger she had little chance.

On the mic.

“Damn they’re beating on her like she’s a rented mule.”

“Well she has got a red sheen in her hair Jim.”

“Aye but given where I am beat her like a red headed step child might get me lynched.”

In the ring.

The dissection of Tina continued in the opposition corner for another couple of minutes until Erin mistimed a splash off the top rope and Tina managed to lift her knees causing Erin to wind herself and giving Tina enough time to crawl across and tag her big sister. For her part Erin rolled across and tagged Charlene back in.

On the mic.

“So now that it’s basically one on one what do you think Charlene will be able to do against Big Mandy given that Mandy is now rested?”

“I dunno Jim, best she can do is get her down on the mat.”

“You’re right Michelle as long as Mandy has that vertical base she’ll use it to dominate one or even both of the beautiful people.”

“Plus if she strikes like she throws people there’ll be broken bones and concussions to contend with,” offered Missy.

“Aye me Ma and Jenny’s Da will be after overtime if the gorilla goes schizo.”

Back in the ring.

Mandy and Charlene locked up in the centre of the ring but rather than go for the standard headlock opening Charlene slipped to her left and went for a leg dive. Too shocked to fight off the hold Mandy crumpled to the ground as her wind was still lacking and she was incapable of anything more than throwing punches. 

Although she took a shot that would normally have put her into another dimension Charlene managed to put a spinning toe hold onto Mandy and convert it into a figure four. To her credit Mandy managed to muscle her way to the ropes forcing Lex to untangle the hold. As both girls scrambled to their feet they looked towards their corners and Mandy dived across to tag Tina in. With a look at her sister that could’ve turned an orange march Tina hopped through the ropes to fight Charlene. Mandy was too sore to notice due to the effects of the figure four leg lock.

Foregoing her usual caution Tina rushed towards Charlene arms whirling like a dervish. Charlene side stepped the onslaught and Tina ran into a straight left from Erin who tagged in as Charlene whipped Tina toward the ropes. As Tina came off the ropes the Beautiful People attempted a double clothesline which Tina avoided before setting for a backdrop. Unfortunately for her she set for the move too soon which allowed Erin and Charlene to hook her head for a double DDT that practically spiked her into the canvas. As Lex counted Erin’s cover Charlene stood between Mandy and the pin attempt to block an attempted save.

On the mic.

“Your winners and inaugural Walled City Wrestling tag team champions Cute Charlene and Enticing Erin, the Beautiful People!”

As Lex raised the hands of the new champions Big Mandy saw red and grabbed a title belt from the ring attendant. She dived into the ring and attempted to waffle Charlene with it. The problem was that Charlene ducked and Mandy hit Lex in the shoulder. So as the winner’s music hit the crowd were in a wrinkle as he hoisted Big Mandy into his patented torture rack finisher.

Commentary desk.

“Well that’s something I never thought I’d see, someone picked up Big Mandy of their own free will. Lex has gotta be the strongest man in WCW.”

“And the sexiest eh Michelle?”

“Damn straight Missy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The Wang Chung song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoXu6QmxpJE  
> 2\. Bruce Lee nunchucks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cqzOo6B0Ic  
> 3\. Beautiful Ones by Suede. https://youtu.be/xqovGKdgAXY  
> 4\. Alice Cooper. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ44c1gj0Ks


	11. City title tilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The match for the city title and its ramifications.

As Erin and Charlene milked their win and waved the tag belts at the crowd JR and Missy attempted to carry the commentary back to the next match. Michelle was somewhat distracted by the site of Big Mandy being racked by Lex Luger until Sister Michael persuaded him to put her down but eventually order was restored for the next match.

On the mic.  
“Our next contest is for the Walled City Wrestling city title. Introducing first on her way to the ring, hailing from Canada’s walled city and representing the Derry Dragons, here is L’ange français. “

The PA kicked into life and as the refrain of Hymne du Quebec was heard in Derry a sinewy masked figure in blue and white strode confidently to the ring.

“Introducing her opponent in this tournament final match, all the way from just up the street it’s Bronagh Duffy, THE BOGSIDE WARRIOR!”

Sister Euphemia rapped on the door and Bronagh Duffy was escorted out with Orla ducking out the door to get some sweets at the refreshment stand. As Bronagh walked to the ring the audience were treated to Carol Kenyon’s Warrior Woman with most of them wondering wtf is this?

As the two girls locked up after referee Randy Anderson had shown them the belt coverage went back to the desk.

On the commentary mic.

“What can you tell us about the fighters in this one Michelle?”

“I’m surprised Bogside was cleared to complete JR, she’s carrying a few injuries most notably damage to her orbital bone.”

“From what I saw in the semis she took a spinning back elbow to the face Jimbo, the only reason she made it to tonight’s fight was she played possum and surprised that girl Brid with a small package.”

“That’s something else my cousin is expert in Missy.”

“What spinning elbows?”

“No small packages.”

With a supreme effort JR once again attempted to rescue the commentary from the gutter.

“OK have you any insight on her opponent the French Angel?”

“I can tell you she’s new to the school and I’m told her 1st name is Angelique her surname is Martel and she was trained by her daddy Richard and her uncle Dino before she came to Derry. She absolutely flattened her opponent in the city semis and made her submit to a Boston crab.”

At this a light went on in JR’s head and he gave a slight smirk before he replied.

“I think you girls have been had and not in the way you’d like. Unless I’m very much mistaken that’s the Quebec amateur champion. Rick Martel is a three time former world tag champion and her ‘Uncle Dino’ was the last man to hold the NWA Canadian title.”

“The Derry dragons brought in a ringer? They’ll have been counting on the monkeys to win the tag belts, slinky over there to win the city belt and Mae to make it a clean sweep in the regional match.”

“Is there anything you can do Michelle, these Derry dragons are running amok?”

“Normally I wouldn’t care but one of them hit Lex. I’ll have to appeal to one of Sister Michael’s pet hates and hope it isn’t overridden by another. Is there still a rule about masked wrestlers holding singles belts?”

“Outside of Lucha yes, but it’s really only popular in the UK.”

“OK cover for me.”

At that Michelle dashed off to get Erin so they could both confront Sister Michael together.

In the ring.

As Bogside Warrior attempted to lock up with her opponent the Angel threw a short punch to her damaged eye socket. Undeterred she tried again but was met by another shot to the same area. As she attempted to move around the ring to avoid the blows she left her left arm too near to the Angel and like a cat pouncing on a mouse the Quebecois grabbed her and applied an excruciating arm bar that was only broken when the warrior grabbed the rope.

In the bowels of the school.

Michelle and Erin dashed to the principal’s office where as expected Sister Michael was indulging in a glass of Tennessee moonshine courtesy of ‘White Lightning’ Tim Horner. Needless to say she wasn’t happy at two students bursting through her door but with Herdian ill grace she listened to their spiel.

Although Michelle wanted to just go straight to the meat of the story Erin had persuaded her to let her speak first.

“Sister if you had to list the four groups of people you hate most who would it be?”

“I don’t know where this is going but it best get there quickly. Probably the French, the tongue people, the Orange Order and the English.”

“So if the French were up to something you’d have no problem using an English rule to stop it?”

“Where is this going Miss Quinn?”

At this Michelle couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Thon French tart is an amateur champion and her daddy is an ex world champion. She’ll probably piss off back to Canada with the belt.”

“Aye and replacing it for the Brawl on the Walls would cost more than we’d make on tickets and refreshments especially given we’d not have WCW helping us.”

After mulling it over for a millisecond the nun asked the obvious question.

“So what do we do, they’re in the ring now and with a busted bake Bronagh can’t wrestle for long?”

“You’ll have to use the English rule Sister.”

At that the three of them dashed to the ring passing a vacant Orla who was happily munching a Chupa Chup.

In the ring.

Much to the surprise of everyone in attendance Bronagh was still in the fight. She’d limited her offence to the odd weak looking punch to conserve energy for kick outs but everyone knew that if the Angel opted for her patented submission move the match was over. As the trio went their separate ways, Erin to sit with her family and Michelle to the desk L’ange français went for her finish. As Sister Michael arrived at the ring apron she hit a Russian leg sweep that grounded the warrior. Operating on sheer instinct the warrior tried to kick out of the pin attempt she thought was coming but this merely allowed the angel to grab her legs and turn her into her Boston crab finisher. A second or two later and the referee had called the match.

As he saw the referee signal the timekeeper Colm started his announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the winner by submission and NEW city champion is…..”

As Colm was in the middle of his announcement Sister Michael tapped him on the shoulder and gave an animated explanation of the ruling which caused him to revise what he was saying.

“Ladies and gentlemen your winner the French angel. However national wrestling rules state that no masked or hooded wrestlers are permitted to hold singles titles. Therefore to be awarded the title angel must unmask. You have 30 seconds to decide.”

As the crowd chanted come on come on in the style of Gary Glitter the angel looked around for advice. Deaco had nipped to the loo and the only people she saw at ringside were the Kong Connection and Michelle. The Kongs shook their heads which basically made up her mind for her but Michelle was at the announce desk trying in vain not to laugh.  
In heavily accented English the angel announced her decision.

“I accept the decision of the championship committee but I request that the cochon who instituted this travesty is my opponent for the belt at Brawl on the Walls. There I will either win or unmask. Et aussi je te raserai la tête ”

Sister Michael nodded her assent and the match was booked, title and hair vs mask.

At the commentary desk.

“Why did she call me a cushion, is that some sort of French insult or something?”

“Yeah it’s the French word for pig,” offered Missy.

At that Michelle promptly went banana.

“Oi snail muncher, get here for a knuckle supper. I’ll beat you good lookin!”

At this the angel vaulted the ring ropes to the floor and ran toward Michelle grabbing for her hair. Unfortunately whilst her mask protected her from similar attacks by Michelle it also limited her peripheral vision and as Uncle Joe had taught her Michelle dodged the lunge and smacked her around the head with her handbag. This unexpectedly put the angel to the floor where Michelle inserted the footwear until Missy and JR hauled her back to the announce desk and Brad Armstrong and Tim Horner escorted the fallen angel to a local medical facility.

“Well Michelle you’ve certainly drawn a bullseye on your back for the Derry dragons.”

“Aye well there are five of us and five of them so it’ll be a fair dig JR.”

“Sounds like a cage match in the offing. You swing that purse like a champ Mich.”

“Coming from you that is high praise Missy, I just imagined I was taking a swing at your mate Dark Journey and stuck a half houser in the bottom.”

“You’ll need more than that to fight the Derry dragons, I hear they’ve recruited a few extra members muttered JR ominously.”

Michelle thought about this for a moment then hung up her mic before making a panicked dash for Erin and Joe.

“What’d I say now?” asked JR.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Hymne du Quebec: https://youtu.be/46IDituRcRY  
> 2\. Carol Kenyon Warrior Woman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTLwUbzk-is  
> 3\. Rick Martel was a 3 time world tag champ and also held the WCW TV title later in his career, Dino Bravo held the NWA Toronto title and several titles in the Montreal territory.  
> 4\. Tim Horner and Brad Armstrong made up a team called lightning express. Whilst Brad is deceased Tim is currently in the world of politics as a county commissioner. The area he represents is indeed famous for its white lightning moonshine.  
> 5\. The masked wrestlers rule was used in British wrestling but since it was usually only villains who wore masks its application was limited.  
> 6\. Dark Journey was a valet in the days of the wrestling territories and regularly had cat fights with other managers etc.  
> https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/555139091542502740/  
> 7\. In modern day WWE announcers are not allowed to say hospital it has to be medical facility.


	12. This Mae or Dismay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The main event.

Once the Angel had been carted off to Altnagelvin ‘medical facility’ and order had been more or less restored it was time for the main event. Colm returned to the mic and made the announcements.

On the ring mic.

“Now ladies and gentlemen we come to the main event of the evening, this is a 3-way elimination match for the Walled City Wrestling regional title. Introducing first, making her way toward the ring it’s the beast from the east Mae Cheung.”

Once again it appeared that Lee from Cool discs had been on the Burmese B & H as when Mae stepped through the ring accompanied by a dragon banner wielding Big Mandy the music playing was the Vapours ‘Turning Japanese’.

Sometime earlier in the heel locker room.

Mae was holding court in the heel locker room when the Kongs came back sans title belts. She was giving the McGwires some instructions should they be needed when she spotted their lack of ‘gold’.

“OK so how did this happen? You’re big enough to saunter in and win a handicap match Mandy.”

“They cheated boss we couldn’t,” offered Tina.

“Shite I’ll deal with you two later. Now go sit in the crowd for Angel’s match Tina, Mandy join me after it for my entrance.”

As the Kongs left the room they heard Mae talking to Wanda and the McGwires. “OK girls you know what to do.”

At the face locker room.

Wanda and Brid walked past Sister Euphemia who was on duty at the locker room door, they appeared to be deep in conversation but nodded a greeting to the nun.

“Here girls you wouldn’t grab us a drink, I’ve been stuck here all night. Just tell Ruairi it’s for his favourite penguin he’ll know what to give ye. Oh and make it a large one hey.”

After getting the cash off the nun the girls wandered over to the refreshments area and collected her special peppered vodka cocktail. Before they delivered the big gulp sized drink to the nun Brid waved a hand over the cup dispensing two powerful pills into it from a ring she was wearing.

“These’ll knock out Big Mandy on a roid rage never mind an average size nun.”

“Aye well the triad boss did say she never skimps.”

The two girls trotted around to where the nun was seated and handed her the beverage.

“So how long have you to sit here Sister?”

“Mickey has me here until the end of the night she’s afraid someone will batter Little Miss Shite the Tights. Sure she left the wee Brit on his own in the staff loo; everyone wants to batter that one.” 

The nun then took a long swig of her drink and the girls went back to the locker room to tell ‘the boss’ their info.

Heels dressing room.

“OK girls you heard, do what you want just make sure neither of them make it to the ring.”

The staff bog.

James had donned his ring wear and was experimenting with a smoking jacket and cap when he heard a rap on the door.

“Candygram muthafucka,” came a voice.

Thinking that Michelle had come to get him for his match James opened the door only to be knocked off his feet by the combined weight of Carmel and Lourdes McGwire.

“You wanna buck him while he’s down there sis?”

“Nah we can do that on Monday at the climbing frame.”

“True but…..”

“Listen ya wee bollix this can be fun or nasty,” said Lourdes as she shoved her tits in James’ face.

Carmel meanwhile tied Jim to the changing benches and Lourdes gagged him with a scarf.

“See you Monday loverboy,” said Carmel and flashed her knockers at him.

“Right lets go fuck up that abomination.”

“I’ll not be riding her.”

A few minutes later at the technico’s dressing room.

Ignoring what sounded like a pig impersonating a chainsaw that was Sister Euphemia of the Five Wounds the McGwires gave the standard seven strikes knock on the door trusting that the knocked out nun hadn’t been a cunning person. Sure enough a few seconds later they heard the sound of the door opening and like they’d done with James they battered Clare to the ground but in a much less gentle way. In fact Carmel had to drag her sister away as she’d kicked Clare into a bloody pulp.

“Now fuck off back to Greece ya dirty lesbo.”

“Aye and leave the wrestling to the real women.”

“Come on lets go before the nun wakes up.”

At that the dragon’s two person hit squad bolted back to their locker room.

Back to the present.

Michelle sprinted up the aisle to where the McCool / Quinn family were sitting.

“Slow down Mallon, nobody said last call;” shouted Angie.

Ignoring the local two – wheeler Michelle grabbed Erin and Joe and explained what JR had said.

In the ring.

“Now for her opponents, introducing first from the real capital of Ireland, Smoking Jacket Joe Posh Nuts; Gentleman James Maguire.”

The Clash’s London Calling sounded out but even as Joe Strummer claimed it was from the top of the dial James never appeared on the aisle. Colm did his intro again but still no limey.

Sister Michael then told Colum to introduce Clare but even when Panic by the Smiths hit Clare too was obviously absent. The crowd, patient as ever were stomping along to their own vocal of ‘Why are we waiting’?

Backstage.

Michelle had managed to convince Erin, Gerry and Joe to go with her to try and find the missing grapplers. As they got to the dressing room Erin noticed the still sleeping Sister Euphemia and her barely touched drink.

Gerry lifted the cup and on noticing how much was still in it remarked. “There’s something up here, this much wouldn’t even get wee Anna drunk.”

“It’d have you on yer back, ya Free State featherweight” muttered Joe before opening the lid. He sniffed the drink and swirled it around before resealing it.

“Feck me even a busted clock’s right twice a day. Well done Gerry have a banana.” Joe tipped some of the drink into a handy plant pot and showed the others the residue around the edge of the cup.

“Someone’s dosed this but they used a capsule instead of a powder and the shell left a residue when it mixed with the drink. The sister won’t have realised because of the lid and the straw.”

“So where’s Clare and James asked Erin?”

“Well if they had to knock out the nun I’d assume Clare’s still in the locker room.”

Michelle tried the door but found it locked. 

“We had to wait for the nun to give the knock before opening the door, that’s why she was here to make sure we didn’t miss our entrance cues.”

“So to stop the final match from going ahead and give Mae the strap by default they nobble the opposition?”

“Fuck me Gerry twice in one lifetime, when you’re hot you’re hot. What are you doing Michelle?”

“The door has an indicator so I’m picking the lock using a magnet and a clip like I saw on the telly.”

Commentary desk.

“Well folks we don’t know exactly what the delay is but….”

In the ring.

Mae had grown tired of pretending to wait for an opponent to show up and decided to take matters into her own hands. With encouragement from the Kongs and three women in black fatigues she grabbed the mic from Colm and shoved him into the corner of the ring.

“You should have listened to me Derry, I am the only Queen of the ring I have avenged my country’s defeat in the opium wars and rid the school of the abomination that plagued it. Now find me an opponent or crown me champion.”

Ringside mic.

“When did Donegal have an opium war?”

“I think she means China Missy, they fought the west in the 19th century.”

“You learn something new every day JR, I didn’t even know Yves Saint Laurent was making opium in the 19th century.”

Backstage.

Just as Joe was ready to shove her out of the way Michelle managed to pick the lock. They shoved their way into the locker room to find a barely conscious Clare bleeding out of her mouth and with several other wounds.

“We cannae move her, the way she’s bleeding there’s something broken in her,” announced Michelle. Erin, go get me ma and Dr Joyce then speak to Sister Michael.”

“Well that’s one stray rounded up, what about the limey?”

“Do we have to rescue that wee English prick?”

“Aye now where would he be?”

“They’ve probably hidden him somewhere pupils normally wouldn’t go like the staffroom,” offered Gerry.

“Or the staff bogs?”

“Exactly, now get us there!”

Running like lunatics the three made it in record time to the teacher’s changing room and found it locked. They could hear uneven breathing beyond the door and despite Michelle protesting that James was probably riding some wee lad Joe and Jerry put the boots to the door and kicked it in. There they found James tied to the bench and still half gagged.

“Let that be a lesson ya limey prick, if you plan on riding some wee lad, you tie him up not the other way around.”

James muttered something incomprehensible and Joe realised that he was either in shock or severely dehydrated. Indeed the only words they could seem to make sense of were massive tits.

“Well that’s the main event banjaxed I’d best let the sister know, hopefully Dr Joyce can fix him, maybe cure his gayness too.”

“Aye go back to the desk you might need to help sort this out.”

At that moment Deirdre and a St John’s ambulance volunteer arrived and started working on James, they told Joe that Clare had been taken to surgery with what appeared to be severely bruised kidneys and possibly other issues.

“All this for a school wrestling title, this is the wee bitch that ruined our Erin’s Easter frock thon time, not to mention three or four others.”

“Well there’s nobody else to fight her and those boot prints on Clare were way too big for thon Chinky. It looks like she’s done her homework”

“Aye and someone else did her dirty work.”

The ring area.

Mae once again snatched the ring mic from Colm and issued an open challenge to any of the school’s wrestlers to come and fight her. Michelle stood up at ringside to go and fight but was held back by Missy who counselled her against it.

“Well it looks as if we won’t have a main event this evening. Your winner by….”

For the second time that evening Colm was interrupted during a title announcement as Erin ran to the ring and told him there was an opponent for Mae.

Over the PA in an incredibly deep voice.  
“You call yourself the Asian Sensation but prepare to be crushed like an empty crisp packet. Hit the music Lee I’ve a belt to win and Murder She Wrote is on later.”

Commentary Desk.

“Do you have any idea who this could be Michelle?”

“Normally from that introduction I’d have said it would be Erin but she’s on her way over to join us.”

“You guys won’t believe who this is.”

Ring Mic.

“Making her way to ring, from Parts Unknown, weight unknown and representing the voices in her head, she’s ready for a bloodbath match here’s Orla McCool!”  
“Miss McCool is accompanied to the ring by two of her favourite fellas, Gerry ‘The Free State Featherweight’ Quinn and Derry’s own ‘Ragin’ Joe McCool.

The theme from Danger Mouse resonated around the hall as Orla stepped through the curtain in a white hat and ring robe with a face covered in white kabuki makeup save for a gold scorpion on one side and a purple mouse on the other.

Ringside.

As Orla made her way to the ring Mae could be seen openly giggling with the Kongs and making retard jokes about her so – called opponent.

“As has just been announced tonight’s main event will be a bloodbath match, this means that whomever loses by pinfall or submission will be strapped to a chair in the middle of the ring and covered in blood.

“She’ll look a picture covered in that blood boss especially as she’s wearing white to start with.” said Tina.

“Aye that’s another ruined outfit for that family.”

Commentary desk.

“I never thought I’d say this but Orla is our last hope tonight.”

“Screw impartiality, knock her melt in Orla.”

“So ladies have you any details about what happened to our original opponents for Ms Cheung?”

“Well it appears that person or persons unknown drugged an official broke into the dressing rooms and beat up both James and Clare.”

“Beat up? Clare is in ICU and James was in shock or something. He was making even less sense than usual. He kept saying something about massive tits.” 

“OK Erin thanks for that extra info, I believe you and Michelle are at ringside for this match.”

“Aye JR but we didn’t want to leave you without a local expert for commentary so here’s me Grandad, ‘Ragin’ Joe McCool.” 

“Welcome to the booth Joe what have ye got for us?”

“Well despite being a late addition to the bill I can tell you that Orla has undergone as much training as any of the local wrestlers on the card. In addition to what she learned in the martial arts from Sister Michael she has also had some instruction in wrestling from my old training buddy David Sierra and in boxing from a former amateur champion.”

“I see she’s been influenced in her face paint by the Stinger given the scorpion.”

“Aye she came home from school talking about how Sting talked to her in the hallway about his makeup and his colour choices. Also now that she’s taken her hat off I can see she has gelled her curls down, given the way Mae has acted that could be smart.”

“It looks like they’re about to lock up.”

In the ring.

Following final instruction from referee Randy Anderson the two girls went into a traditional lock up. Joe’s insight about Orla’s curls appeared to be right on the money as when she got Mae into a side headlock the fans at ringside could see her grabbing for Orla’s ponytail. As a result Orla managed to position her knee and pivot her hips into a headlock takeover earning her a one count before Mae gathered herself and placed a foot on the rope. The two girls locked up again with Mae executing the same move as Orla had but instead of grabbing for the rope Orla got Mae into a waist lock and rolled her over for a pin attempt, earning her another one count. Again however Mae was within easy reach of the rope and the ref ordered a break.

Commentary.

“Well Joe it looks like Orla has a sound grasp of the fundamentals but Mae isn’t expending much energy. She appears to be relying on ring position to just grab the ropes every time Orla grounds her.”

“Aye JR she’s pretty good since she only got involved so she could paint the logo. I’m worried that it may become a battle of strikes and whilst Orla can certainly punch this spider monkey has probably done more strikes than the miners union.”

“Just like being at home Joe. Shit she’s knocked her halfway across the ring,” interrupted Missy.

In the ring.

Missy certainly hadn’t been exaggerating. Orla had stepped forward to lock up again but instead of trying to grapple Mae had fallen back on her martial arts training to deliver a palm strike to Orla’s forehead. In a wushu match a hit like that would’ve often ended the contest; but due to the blow hitting the forehead rather than the nose Orla landed on her hoop in the corner. She decided to take a powder and Michelle and Erin dashed over to give her some advice.

At ringside.

“Don’t let her hit you like that cuz; you need to get her on the ground where she can’t slug you.”

“Aye if that doesn’t work at least get in close so she can’t throw a full punch.”

“I can see three of her.”

“Hit the one in the middle!” shouted Michelle and Erin in unison.

Back at the ring.

Orla ducked her head and shoulders under the rope to break the referee’s ten count and then rolled back out again, still trying to clear her head. Smelling blood Mae watched until she figured out Orla’s count breaking rhythm and when she next climbed back in grabbed her in a front facelock before delivering a suplex that jarred Orla’s teeth. Fortunately for her opponent, Mae was arrogant going for a foot on the chest cover and Orla managed to roll her shoulder before the ref reached three so whilst her opponent was off balance Orla rolled out of the ring to gather her thoughts.

After shaking her head and clearing it a few times Orla rolled back into the ring and called Mae for a test of strength. The two girls started the test and surprisingly Mae didn’t go straight for a boot to Orla’s guts or one of the textboox reversals / escapes. As a result Orla used her height and leverage advantage to force Mae’s hands to the floor. She then jumped on them.

In the booth.

“Well we certainly never taught her that move JR.”

“It’s not exactly one they teach in wrestling school either; in fact I’ve only seen a select few wrestlers use it.”

“I think I can answer that,” offered Missy.

The two men looked at the blonde who pointed to a pile of what looked like blue guitar picks that were on the ring floor.

“What are you driving at Missy?”

Running over to the ring apron Missy grabbed the blue shards and brought them over to the desk. She allowed herself a smug look before explaining.

“The slope has been digging those into Orla’s skin every time she grabbed any sort of hold on her. So Orla got her to do a test of strength where she would’ve had trouble doing it then stomped on her hands. That way she also made throwing punches painful for her opponent.

“But what are they?”

“Mae’s dragon claws, false nails filed to a point.”

“Nice insight Missy, looks like this is Orla’s window of opportunity.”

In the ring.

As if to validate Missy’s theory Mae attempted to throw a straight right hand at Orla’s head. Orla blocked it with her arm and as Mae hesitated from the pain radiating up through her arm Orla grounded her with a modified hammerlock that allowed her to put weight on Mae’s wrist and spread her fingers. As a result Mae was in no danger of being pinned as she was face down but her ring awareness was severely hampered.

At the booth.

“Well Joe I’m impressed with your grand-daughter’s scientific wrestling and tactical awareness but that finger spreading technique is an illegal hold in our sport.”

“Tell the RUC that. That’s a standard restraint technique those black bastards learn down at Belfast’s 3rd airport. So I showed it to the wains.”

“I wouldn’t let him hear that said Missy in response to the fact that the rudos trainer Deaco Devlin was striding over to the announce desk with a grim look on his face.”

Joe stared over at Deaco who was momentarily discouraged but managed to get himself together. He called Joe over and before dashing back to his position advised Joe as to who had slipped the pill to the penguin adding that he’d nothing to do with it. It turned out he’d overheard Brid and Wanda discussing it with their pals at ringside and wanted no part of it.

Joe quickly explained the situation to JR and told her to watch out for Orla’s three favourite finishers before calling Michelle back to the desk and taking off up the aisle towards the locker rooms.

In the ring.

Orla had spent almost a minute pulling and tearing at Mae’s injured arm but despite her best efforts she’d been unable to force a submission and eventually Mae had turned herself enough to get a foot under the ring apron. The ref broke the hold and the two girls got to their feet with Orla looking dazed but determined while Mae glowered angrily and favoured her damaged wing.

On getting to her feet Mae attempted to once again lock up with Orla but this was foiled. Orla grabbed the arm she had previously worked on and whipped Mae into the ropes before throwing a drop kick that landed right on the point of Mae’s nose causing blood to start trickling out of it. Undeterred Mae tried to fight back but her vision was limited due to the tears that were forming so the two punches she threw were way off target.

In the booth.

“Well Orla certainly has incredible leaping ability Michelle.”

“Aye it’s all down to years of step aerobics JR that and a whole pile of outward bound courses have given her a lot of grace when it comes to being aerial. I wouldn’t be surprised to see some of her other high flying moves if her leg strength holds out.”

“Step aerobics?”  
“Aye her instructor said she could go all the way, sure she and Madonna even got the rest of us up on stage to do a routine.”

Back in the ring.

The next few exchanges were more ebb and flow than the previous ones had been, Mae had landed a mean looking right cross to Orla’s shoulder and in return Orla had applied another arm bar to Mae but the hold had been escaped with Mae rolling inward as Orla adjusted her positioning and sneaking away.

As the two girls circled around each other a missile was launched at Orla by the Cumann na mBan girls. Rather than aiming to directly cause injury it was intended to distract Orla as it was a box of fruit pastilles. Unfortunately for them this didn’t work as Orla caught the box with one hand and thinking of sweets the whole time she saw the approaching Mae as someone wanting to steal her windfall so rather than wrestle she put her right foot in Mae’s face in the style of the Barbarian.

Mae fell to the floor as if someone had dynamited her and Orla dived in to make the cover. The ref duly made the count and presented the belt to Orla being rewarded with a handful of pastilles in return. 

As she looked out at the cheering crowd Orla searched for her family and friends and was greeted by Sting on her way out of the ring. He walked her over to Michelle at the desk and then escorted the two girls to where their families were sitting. Before taking his leave he said to Sarah,” From one champion to another she was great, you should be very proud of your daughter. We have two last surprises for the girls and of course Mae's bloodbath.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Panic. https://youtu.be/wMykYSQaG_c  
> 2\. London Calling. https://youtu.be/EfK-WX2pa8c  
> 3\. Turning Japanese https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLQeb5NGt3E  
> 4\. For those who watch wrestling the test of strength was aka the Greco – Roman knuckle lock. For those who don’t it was the playground game mercy.  
> 5\. One of the firearms training ranges at the police training centre had graffiti on the wall that read ‘if pigs could fly Garnerville would be an airport.’  
> 6\. The match ends with the Barbarian doing his kick. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FGG6BVpURU  
> 7\. Pepper vodka. https://foodnetwork.co.uk/recipes/pepper-vodka/?utm_source=foodnetwork.com&utm_medium=domestic


	13. Dipped in blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the show pt 1.

As Orla’s theme music played the WCW roadies went into a flurry of activity. They brought in a dunk tank with a chair on a plank in the centre and ran a huge hose in that started piping ‘blood’. Mae attempted to blend into the crowd but in Derry that was like fly shite in the sugar.

At the announce desk.

“It seems your Miss Cheung has all the sportsmanship of Paul E Dangerously.”

“With only a marginally better ponytail.”

In the crowd.

Realising she was never going to get away with blending in with the audience Mae vaulted the ring barrier and took a spare seat that the Cumann na mBan girls had left between them and the Kongs. As strategies went this one was sound and looked like paying off but the Dragons hadn’t counted on what happened next.

Unnnoticed by the Dragons and their lackeys but spotted by Lee, several of Strand Road’s finest had marched down the aisle. To the sound of the theme from the Sweeney the female officers hauled Wanda, Brid and the rest of the girls in black out of the school for questioning in relation to the attempted poisoning of Sister Euphemia and a charge of conspiracy to cause explosions. In fact the cop who had shown up earlier in the evening, a young officer by the name of Collins was seen cable tying forensic bags to each of the prisoner’s hands before leading them away. Once this was done two members of the WCW security took up the seats left vacant by Wanda et al and two more moved the Kongs before taking their seats.

At the booth.

“Well it looks like Mae has run out of options; she’ll have to take a bloodbath after all.”

“Aye but we still don’t know who battered Clare and James.”

“Maybe the police will get that out of the girls they arrested.”

“I doubt it but I suppose it’s possible. That Cumann na mBan lot are pretty schooled when it comes to interrogation.”

“Who are they and what do they do?”

“Best your parents explain that JR, suffice to say they’re illegal here but not in the USA yet.”

“I heard Mae referring to her group as the Dragon Syndicate earlier,” offered Missy.

In the crowd.

On a signal from the roadies the WCW security escorted Mae to the ringside. Despite her struggles they managed to get her seated on the seat of what resembled an old fairground dunk tank.

On the ringside mic.

“Before Miss Cheung is dunked in blood, I’d like to invite Erin Quinn, Michelle Mallon and thon wee girl Aisling up to the stage. Given what I heard happened at the prom Sister Michael thought you’d want the privilege of dunking Miss Cheung.”

At that the 3 girls had a quick discussion and it was decided that Aisling would be the one to press the button. Beaming like a lighthouse and with the crowd cheering her on she stepped up and despite Mae’s muttered threats she punched the button.

The mechanism was old but still in working order so without too much delay the support for the chair gave way and Mae fell the couple of feet into the ‘blood’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. As may have been mentioned before Cumann na mBan are essentially the PIRA women's auxiliary.  
> 2\. Officer Collins is an original character from the trampled rose and appears by kind permission.


	14. Post Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WCW's surprises and a lost meal.

As she fell into the tank Mae wondered exactly what had gone wrong. As the rather sticky blood went up her nose she realised that someone had been rather more creative with their mix than she had. The taste of stale iron assaulted her senses and as she sunk up to her eyeballs she further realised that it was going to take more than shower gel to get it off her body.

As Michelle saw her rival hit the water but keep most of her hair out of the gunk she got angry. After what had happened to her carefully crafted do at the prom (not to mention the shite she got into with Deirdre) she figured Mae needed a bit more treatment. Nodding to the WCW crewman and pointing to her hair the hose was switched back on again and the last of the gunk landed square on the top of Mae’s head upping the level of sludge in the tank and finally covering her from head to toe in ‘blood’. 

Hidden from view for a few moments Mae’s head finally broke the surface and she tried to climb the steps out of the tank but the smell and taste of the gunk was so like blood her stomach couldn’t take it anymore and she lost her dinner.

Passing Mae a woefully inadequate towel the Kongs escorted their humiliated leader backstage as WCW announcer Jim Ross took the ring mic.

On the mic.

“On behalf of WCW and Turner Broadcasting System, it has been our great honour and privilege to visit Derry. Before we take our leave we have a few announcements to make. Firstly could I have a round of applause for all the wrestlers tonight.”

Enthusiastic applause.

“Secondly James Maguire and Clare Devlin have been taken to hospital and are in a stable condition but will be kept in overnight for observation.”

Polite applause.

“Thirdly tomorrow night’s WCW card will feature matches for all of the company’s major titles but we’ll be hard pressed to top the drama of tonight’s bouts.”  
“In addition we have a presentation we’d like to make to all of the champions.”

At this point Sid Vicious walked to the stage carrying a large attache case which he handed to JR.

“If we could have Sister Michael, Deaco Devlin, Joe McCool, Erin Quinn, Charlene Kavanaugh and Orla McCool in the ring.”

As the people he called for came to the ring and the pumps drained the gunk tank JR made his next announcement.

With help from our new friends at Glenview Trophies we have some presentations to make. In turn each adult was presented with WCW plaques honouring their contribution to Walled City Wrestling. Sister Michael was honoured as the promotion’s founder and Deaco and Joe were given awards for excellence in training.

“And now, for the westlers. Could I please call upon Erin Quinn and Charlene Kavanaugh.”

The two girls stepped into the ring carrying the belts they had been given following their match.

“We thank Yvonne, Kieron and Lee from Glenview for their original work and would like to further thank them for making at such short notice these new and improved title belts.  
Opening the attaché case JR handed the new belts to the girls and their mouths fell open. Each belt was made from soft supple brown leather and was ornamented with a large gold plate on the font and smaller ones on each side. They had the logo of the company etched into the metal in each plate and bore the legend Tag Team Championship.

“As the inaugural tag team champions these belts are yours to keep and will be engraved with your names and the date of your victory. The original belts will be contested in future title bouts and change hands with each reign.”

“As the city belt has yet to be decided we will not be awarding a belt this evening but Sister Michael will make the award at Brawl on the Walls. A WCW executive will be on hand to make the presentation. So finally tonight could I please call Orla McCool to the mic.”

As Orla walked to the ring Sting leapt the ropes and tapped JR on the shoulder. He whispered in his ear and JR nodded twice before handing over the mic to the Stinger.

“One more time ladies and gentlemen your new Walled City Wrestling regional champion Orla McCool. Owwwwww!.”

He handed the mic back to JR and proceeded to unveil the new regional belt. 

Made from similar leather to the tag belts but in black the regional belt not only featured plates with the federation logo but also a front plate with a map of the Derry region and the legend Walled City Wrestling Regional Champion curved around it.

Orla took the belt from her wrestling hero and asked for the mic.

“This belt is absolutely cracker I feel like I’ve just been on a tour around the Wham bar factory; I’m absolutely buzzin’ so I am.” She then dropped the mic and leapt into the arms of a shocked Sting as the crowd gave a thunderous ovation.

As Orla eventually put the Stinger down all of the available wrestlers were then called to the ring by WCW.

As the crowd filtered out of the building talking about the next night’s matches a new figure approached the ring carrying another attaché case, this was former WCW champ Ric Flair. With a nod to the Stinger he approached Jim Ross and the two had a brief sidebar before JR continued talking to the girls who now included Tara Martin and the Bogside Warrior.

“Ladies I have some news for you from WCW corporate HQ. Following a recent change in our leadership our new CEO has authorised me to give you another two pieces of news. Firstly everyone who appeared tonight, along with those who were injured in the backstage incidents are to be our guests in Dublin at the St Patrick’s Day Bash, you, your announcer, and your trainers will be staying in the Hard Rock Hotel and you’ll be presented as our guests before the matches so make sure your belts are well polished ladies as some of you may have to make extra appearances. 

In addition as all of tonight’s matches have been filmed our lawyers are negotiating with the school to use the footage in our newly opened training camp the Power Plant where it will be shown to aspiring wrestlers. This means that there will be residual payments made to each person who appears either in the ring or on the mic every quarter, subject to a criminal record check of course.

Orla being the most kind hearted of the group piped up.

“Will that include Clare and wee James too?”

“I’m certain we can arrange that,” said Sting before adding to the rest of the throng. “Now that’s how a champion should behave.”

At that the girls started talking amongst themselves but before things degenerated into chaos someone suggested a photo. A nearby crew member was designated the cameraman and everyone lined up for the group shot. 

Ric Flair had ended up next to the Bogside Warrior and between his substantial nose and her face protection it looked as though a racehorse with a nosebag on was talking to an eagle. For the second shot he decided to goose her and as the camera clicked she tweaked his nose causing JR to comment. 

“She’s got him by the honker.”

After a few more snaps the group started to go their separate ways with Michelle already starting to regale the others about how apocalyptic their night in Dublin was going to be. It’d make her previous adventures in drinking look positively tame.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF MICHELLE'S ADVENTURES IN DRINKING AND DETAILS OF THE GIRL'S TRIP TO DUBLIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Yvonne, Kieron and Lee don't actually work at Glenview trophies they're the people I was staying with when I watched the first episode of Derry Girls.  
> 2\. Hard Rock Hotel: https://www.hardrockhotels.com/dublin/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=WG%20-%20Gen%20-%20NI%20-%20BMM&utm_term=%2BHotels%20%2BNear%20%2BDublin&utm_content=Hotels%20Near%20Dublin  
> 3\. The new leader is based around former WCW boss Kip Frey.

**Author's Note:**

> Whilst most of these events did happen I've had to compress the timeline and make a couple of characters into composites. WCW really did do a UK tour in the early 90's and I was lucky enough to attend. For those wondering why WCW it's simple, they were on terrestrial television.
> 
> The only pic I could find of The Casbah in Derry. https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/459719074462292354/
> 
> The matches.  
> 1\. Renegade Warriors vs Ring Lords https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D31R2SShn64  
> 2\. Juicer vs Jeff Stone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbdn3dea3eQ  
> 3\. Sid Vicious vs Lee Scott https://youtu.be/BfQIOwqFZeY


End file.
